I pour Wheaties of ruin into a bowl– | |
Across the room, | |
iron, zinc, and B12 good for the blood. | |
Scarecrow’s feet at the edge of my eyes, | |
you say look at me. | |
a tattered squint hung on rough wood. | |
Skin as dry as cigarette paper | |
I ask can you forgive me? | |
rolling out of bed on Tobacco Road. | |
Sushi took me for a swim | |
You know about drowning. | |
to the bottom of the river. | |
Does the mirror taste like glass? | |
Your tongue lingers | |
Hard water. | |
Jolly Rancher stuck in my pocket, | |
so sweet. | |
lint and sugar, Fireball cinnamon. |
For Shay’s Word Garden and TSM
This is fabulous!! I love the way the two sides fit together and stand alone. And every line packs a punch. Such superb imagery.
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Thank you so much!!
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The cultural references really work in this qbit, to contrast normalcy with the deeper waters of the inner world. I especially like the Jolly Rancher, and the taste of the mirror. Coincidentally, just heard Tobacco Road on Pandora yesterday–the old songs are mirrors of their own sometimes.
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So glad you liked it. And so glad to have your voice here!
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I agree with Jo, this works any way you read it. I’m thinking about those Wheaties of ruin. Weakies? Wimpies? Anyway, I always enjoy it when you play with form this way!
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Gotta love those Wheaties of ruin.
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I’m reading this as if it’s about a mermaid excursion, into the depths with her, then returning … with souvenirs and memories as strong as cinnamon whiskey burning your tongue and throat.
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Glad you picked the whiskey bit up at the end. Not sure everyone will get that.
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Those little bottles that fit in the pocket, the things tucked away amidst the ordinary and routine, the unhealthy but pleasurable habits that make it easier to swallow the vitamins. Candy, liquor. On laundry day, I guess you’re found out. 🙂
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You had me at wheaties of ruin Qbit! You word craft is always good for the mind and soul and maybe the stomach too! 😁✍️💫
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Hahaha!! Thanks!
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I love how you used the word list, especially: “scarecrow’s feet at the edge of my eyes.” And all the sensory tongue-tastic elements, particularly “Fireball cinnamon”, which reminded me of a fiery gobstopper chewing gum from my childhood! Plus Wheaties of ruin is also a good name for a band 🙂
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Lololol! Thanks!!
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